


Sunflowers

by acatagirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Depression, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-08
Updated: 2014-03-08
Packaged: 2018-01-15 00:19:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1284214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acatagirl/pseuds/acatagirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabriel shifts and clears his throat. “Remind me to tell you the myth of the Sunflower someday.” Sam nodded. “You’re like flowers. Full of different meanings and full of stories.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sunflowers

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: this fic contains depression, and thoughts of suicide. 
> 
> In other news, enjoy!

It’s dark and Sam is sitting alone in a booth at a twenty-four hour diner. Words and thoughts and thousands of insecurities are rushing through his mind and he can’t shove back the thought of suicide. He considers it. He’s on the verge of doing it. He feels weird. He feels this emptiness in his chest thats bigger than he is. He’s shaking now. Most people would be sobbing right now, but Sam? It’s all about the internal destruction, the spiraling into his very soul. He straightens up and  clears his throat. He looks up and sees the waitress staring at him. He feels caged. His entire being feels like it’s being engulfed in flames. He’s sure that if he looked in a mirror, he would see the thick tendrils of depression twirling and gripping his wrists. They’re like a sea monster trying to pull him off shore and into the water. Only, Sam is already neck deep and there’s no lifeguard in sight. 

“Can I sit here?” 

 Sam starts, shocked out of his living nightmare. He looks up and sees a short man who is absolutely stunning. He’s glowing and shimmering and he’s the light that seems to taunt Sam; because he can’t reach it. He can’t. All he can do is touch it. But in the end it will always flitter away and the darkness with flood back with a greater gusto. Something clicks and Sam hears himself saying yes. Sam is scared and Sam is shaking and it’s taking everything in his being to not grab the man and never let him go. 

 

“I’m Gabriel.” 

 

“Sam.”

 

“Are you okay?” 

 

“Not even close.” 

 

Gabriel shifts and clears his throat. “Remind me to tell you the myth of the Sunflower someday.” Sam nodded. “You’re like flowers. Full of different meanings and full of stories.” 

 

Sam shrugged. “I’m boring. I have no stories worth telling.” 

 

“Everyone has a good story, and some have a great story. You’re one of the great ones.”

 

“Maybe.”

 

They sat in silence for a while. Sam stealing glimpses of the brightness that is Gabriel. Gabriel obviously staring. The waitress walked over to the table. Said something about having to clean up before the early birds come in. 

 “Let me see your hand.” Gabriel asked. He pulled out a sharpie and wrote his number on the back of Sam’s hand. Sam stared at it, the dark ink popping, crisp and clean. “See you later Sam, stay safe.”

 

-

 

It was three days after the diner that Sam called. Gabriel took Sam to his work, his flower shop. Sam was happy, so happy- just to have the chance to befriend someone like Gabriel. To know someone who could make him smile. 

Sam could feel the tendrils loosening and fading to a gray, rather than a piercing black. Sam’s brother, Dean (who lived three states away) could tell something was better with Sam. Just from phone calls. “So who’s the girl?” Dean asked. Sam sighs and say’s it’s a boy,  and his name is Gabriel. That they were only friends and nothing more. 

Sometimes, on the days Sam had off from work, he’d go to Gabriel’s shop and sit there, just watching Gabriel interact with customers and light up as he talked about the different meanings that were assigned to the flowers. Sam was happy, albeit single, but if it meant having Gabriel as a friend, he was fine. 

Yes, he dreamed of what it would be like to be with Gabriel, to wake up and see the sunlight outlining Gabriel and surrounding him with the golden light that he already owns. God he wants that, but he’s afraid. He’s a coward. But he’s content. 

Sam was okay. But then Gabriel met Kali, and Kali took Gabriel away. Sam would go to the shop only to look in the window and see her sitting where Sam used to. Sam would try to call Gabriel, only to find that he couldn’t talk because Kali was on the other line. Sam was terrified and he felt the tendrils curling and squeezing tighter than before. This is what he feared, and he hated himself for getting so close to the light. The light was fading and so was Sam. 

 

-

 

 Sam is sitting in the bathroom. He sat on the floor, head resting on against the wall. He was cold and scared. The hole in his chest was replaced by a tightness. It was squeezing his lungs and Sam so badly wanted to bash his head against the sink. He looked down at his knees, his eye caught the small floral pattern on the wallpaper. The stupid wallpaper he’s meant to get rid of but can’t because it’s so _Gabriel_. Gabriel.  He shakily grabbed his phone and typed in the faded numbers. It rang. Sam’s breathing increased. “Hello?” Gabriel answered.

 

“Gabriel?” 

 

“Sam?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Sam..are you okay?”

 

“I don’t know. I-I don’t think so. I’m shaking and I’m scared and I can hardly breathe right now and _god_ do I want to die right now.” 

 

“Sam tell me where you live.”

 

“I-I’m fine, I will be, it’s fine.”

 

“It wasn’t a question.”

 

Sam rattled out his address. “Just hang on for a little while, okay Sam?” Gabriel hung up. Sam dropped his head to his knees, trying to list all the flowers he can because for some reason, _Gabriel_ corresponds with _flowers_. 

 

_Sunflowers, Snapdragons, Stargazer Lilies, Roses, Peonies, Daisies, Tulips, Calla Lilies-_

 

_“Sam? Sam where are you?”_ A voice called. Gabriel. Shit does that mean his door was unlocked. 

 

_Carnations, Cactus flowers, Chrysanthemums, Dahlias, Geraniums-_

 

“Sam!” Gentle hands gripped his face, tilting it up and revealing their owner to be Gabriel. “Sam, it’s going to be alright, you got that? C’mon lets get you into bed.” Gabriel slowly pulled Sam off the floor and guided him to his room. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Gabriel. I’m sorry- _i’msorryi’msorryi’msorry.”_ Sam repeated on and on and he can’t stop. He’s afraid to touch Gabriel; what if his brightness is tainted by Sam? That’s all Sam does. He taints, he destroys, and he can’t take it anymore but Gabriel has wrapped himself around Sam and Sam’s doing everything is his power not to hold onto Gabriel. “I can’t do this anymore I cant- _ican’tican’tican’t.”_

He’s drowning and there’s nothing to save him and if Gabriel weren’t holding him down, he’d be out the window by now. He’s screaming oh god he’s screaming.  
“Don’t touch me! Get away from me! I’ll hurt you just like I hurt everyone else! Leave me! Just leave! _Leave like everyone else does and be better off!”_ Sam is sobbing and he’s shoved Gabriel off of him because _he can’t let his darkness touch Gabriel._ Gabriel’s saying something but Sam can’t hear him. He grabs something and throws it at Gabriel. There’s glass shatter and Sam realized he threw a vase at him and now he’s bleeding and Sam is terrified because he’s done it _again_ and he’s so scared of himself.  

Sam is shaking even harder and he can’t stop talking. “I’m a mistake, I’m a bomb, I do this to _everyone_ I get close to! Why did I do this, why did I do this to you."

“Sam! Please, Sam! Just calm down, I’m fine! You’re gonna be alright okay.” Gabriel’s pleading with him and Sam is just trying to get Gabriel out of the door. He’s shoving Gabriel into the hall and telling him to go home, to go be happy. To live his life safely and away from Sam. He tells him to go. He shuts the door and locks it. He’s having trouble breathing and he can’t do this anymore. He’s throwing things into a bag and climbing down the fire escape. He’s running and he knows he should get his car, but he just needs to run. And he does, he runs and he runs, and he runs. 

He makes his way out of Kansas and into Colorado. He stays at an old motel for the night and continues on. He runs and he runs and he runs. He hits the ocean and stops. He asks somebody what state he’s in and apparently he’s in _Seattle, Washington_. He’s been gone for so long. He misses home but can’t go back there. He meets a guy in Seattle named Luke, but Sam can’t stay because Luke makes everything darker. He makes his way out of Washington and settles in Oregon. 

He meets a girl named Amelia, and he’s happy with her. He’s happy with his life and he’s read to stop running. He thinks she’s the one. They were happy. Until her assumedly dead husband came back. Sam can’t put Amelia through the pain of choosing, so he takes his things and leaves. He drives for hours and hits California. He doesn’t stay for long because _Jess died here_ and he’s got that itch to run again. He’s in Arizona, but he fucking hates it there because there’s nothing to do. Somehow he’s wound up back in Kansas. He breezes through Lawrence and finds himself on the doorstep of a house that the yellow pages announced to belong to Gabriel Novak. 

 

-

 

He’s knocking on the door and his heart is racing. He’s holding on to a fucking _sunflower_ , because Gabriel never told him the myth but he hoped it would be enough as an apology The newspaper says it’s been a year and a half since Sam left. The door opens to a man with dark hair and bright blue eyes and Sam can’t help but feel hurt. “Can I help you?” The man asked. 

Sam shook his head “No-I-uh. Sorry, I was here to see someone but I realized that I’m probably unwelcome.” He sighed. “Things ended badly the last time I saw him and he probably doesn’t want me around.” He saw movement behind the man. “I-uh. I’ll be going now, I’m sorry to waste your time.” Realizing he was still holding the flower he quickly handed it to the man and then quickly walked away. 

Castiel closed the door as Gabriel walked out of the kitchen. “Hey, Cassie, who was that?” He asked. Castiel shrugged. 

“I’m unsure. He left this for you, I believe.” Gabriel’s eyes widened and he grabbed it from Castiel. 

“Cassie, what did he look like. I need you to tell me, in the best detail you can.” Gabriel demanded. 

“Well, he was very tall, he had long brown hair, and I believe he was wearing flannel.” Castiel explained. 

“Did he have a mole near his nose?” Gabriel asked. Castiel nodded. Gabriel shoved the flower back into the hands of Castiel and raced out the door.

Sam walked down the road, hands jammed into his pockets, wondering what to do next. He heard footsteps pounding on the pavement behind him. “Sam!” A voice called. He turned around to find Gabriel racing towards him. He looked older, more mature. But he was Gabriel and thats all the mattered at the point. Sam stood there, frozen. Gabriel stopped in front of him, pausing to catch his breath. He looked up at Sam and frowned. “Where have you _been_? You stupid son of a bitch. You can’t just show up and leave.” Gabriel asked furiously.

Sam sighed. “I was stupid-I still am. I was scared Gabriel, I was terrified. So I ran. I ran from you, from what I was. God, I’m so sorry.” 

Gabriel shook his head. “You’re a fucking idiot, you know that, right?” Sam nodded. Gabriel grabbed Sam’s face and kissed him. “Don’t you _ever_ do that again, you hear me?” Sam nodded.

 

“I love you so fucking much Sam.”

 

“Thank God. Because I love you too.”

 

-

 

When they get married there’s flowers _everywhere_. That night as they lay in bed together, it’s Sam, rather than Gabriel who tells the myth. 

 

“You know Apollo, the god of the sun?” 

 

“Saaam, I said I would tell you the myth. 

 

“Yeah, but I like my version better.”

 

Sam shifted and turned on his side to look at Gabriel. “There once was a god named Gabriel. He was known as the god of the sun. Everyday, he would drive his golden chariot across the sky. Gabriel was the most handsome person anyone would ever meet. His hair was like gold and his eyes were the color of whiskey in sunlight. Everyone loved him, but especially a water nymph named Sam. He would watch Gabriel cross the sky everyday. Unfortunately, Gabriel never noticed Sam, because he was in love with Kali. Sadly, Kali never returned Gabriel’s love. Gabriel was heartbroken. Sam, the nymph watched Gabriel for nine days straight without food or water. When Sam died, he turned into a flower, later known as the sunflower. It’s said to this day that the sunflower is always upturned to the sky, watching Gabriel.”

Gabriel frowned. “But that’s not how the story should go. I think Gabriel truly loved the nymph, so he in turn would watch Sam. But being a god, he had no choice to go love a nymph. I believe he only cared for Kali, because she was there and not of Earth. Gabriel loves Sam to this day, and thats final. End of the myth.”

Sam smiled and wrapped an arm around Gabriel to pull him closer. “I think I like that ending much more than the original.” Gabriel grinned up at Sam. 

 

“I love you Sam.”

 

“I love you too.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah this took like three hours. 
> 
> Here's the myth if you want to read it's full glory: http://4go10tales.blogspot.com/2012/06/story-of-sunflower.html


End file.
